Kaleidoscopes

One area in my life that I'm not any good at is ending friendships. I'm used to folks moving away, changing shcools, or me moving away, and then gradually losing contact with them and everyone just moving forward. Until the last two years, I've never had to consciously end relationships. While I'm not a pro at it, by any stretch of the imagination, I am getting better. I suspect I'll have another round of cuts in the next few months as I'm sick and cranky and there's only so much time and energy I can devote to people I don't care for while I'm entering the second half of my degree.

I've been thinking about this for a few weeks now and feeling blah about it. The other night, though, I had a dream that was actually pretty helpful. I was describing to that faceless someone in my dreams (funny how many anonymous dream characters there are, actually) that life is a lot like a kaleidoscope. It's always twisting and changing and while you can enjoy the green sparkles or purple confetti that float, you can't hold on to that view. It happens and then it's gone to be replaced by something just as lovely. It makes no more sense being bitter about insisting on keeping the gold flecks you saw four days ago, than actively trying to control the next view of the kaleidoscope. All you can do is enjoy what beauty you see and wait excitedly for the next twist will bring.

This dream sounded like a message from the old, pre-emo Erin I was a few years ago. I liked the message. After I woke up from that dream, I heard a fuel truck reversing outside my window. I live across the street from a gas station, which is actually pretty handy: at any point, I know what a good price for gas is, just by looking through my blinds. It then occurred to me, in all my post-kaleidoscope dream fuzziness, that if the gas station were to explode, my happy curtains would get hurt...among other parts of the Vault.

This was something my inner worrier was thrilled to realize. The inner worrier is the same one who wonders just how safe it is to pee in a thunderstorm (what if lightning strikes at just the exact wrong moment?), how it is that airplanes fly (because bumblebees aren't areodynamic!), and does stapling your finger really hurt (absolutely!).

So now, I will sometimes have the very brief subconscious wonder about just how safe Bubbles is should the gas station explode. Fabulous. This is one of those times I'd very much like to retwist the kaleidoscope and go back to when I wasn't worried about my yellow curtains. Ah, well. It's much better than worrying about black holes...

Moral of today's story: I am a napping monster.

An Erinku:
Oh, Pink Floyd
You make me happy
Even your songs
about bad friendships

Homeward Bound

Dear mutant germs in my body-

It's been over a week. I haven't had my voice working for five days now. Including naps, I've already slept 14 hours today and still haven't had the energy to get out of my pjs. I've cancelled many adventures and rehearsals for you. I have had a diet consisting of cough syrup, ibuprofen,and orange juice. I hope you've had your fun, but since it's been over a week now, you are a very unwelcome visitor and it's time for you to leave. The end.

An Erinku (in sickness):
Bubbles
swims happily
towards me
when I'm near