Today I realized I feel like an ass. More specifically: like a donkey. Even more specifically: like a pack-mule. I've been trudging through a two-year degree for four years now and I know the route. And as I stand at the edge of the field that is this (hopefully) final year, I'm spending a lot of time easing into it while chewing on some hay. It seems I'm a hybrid cow/pack-mule in my imagination.
While I'm there contemplating another round of trudging, I'm getting grumpy like an ass. And I see in various parts of my life a bunch of power plays and dramas and competition going on. A year or two ago, I would've be more involved and gotten all passionate about such things, but now I'm the old, cranky ass chewing on hay.
An example of this (from the musical part of my life) is the establishing the pecking order among the new and returning string musicians. It might seem important, but I don't care. Folks can show off their whatever concertos in the hopes of intimidating or inspiring others, but I am unmoved. I've been through four cycles now of seeing such things and I've got my own gigs and adventures going on. I'm highly focused on my little path that will get me through the year with the most efficiency. This is especially important in navigating that whole six month stretch from January through June with only one week of a break.
So I chew on my hay, watch all the power struggles buzzing around me like annoying biting flies, flick my cranky ass ears, and figure I'll start plodding this weekend. Onward and upward!
An Erinku:
proving
once again
rainbow blankets
match my freckles
Friday, September 30, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
On Sleep and Riker's Beard
When I (finally) woke up this morning, my first thought was of watch gears. Even though I never sleep enough during the week to get fully wound up, I still manage to be a frenetic ball of energy anyway. But every so often, I end up sleeping a good 11 hours to wind up whatever gear is making up for my daily lack. And every few months, I'll sleep for about 19 hours straight, which I suspect is an ever bigger gear still. I'm pretty sure having mono in December was just what happens when all my gears wind down at the same time.
Anyway, last night was my 11 hour nap. I'm liking the idea that my little gears are all wound up, but I was sad to fall asleep to the opening credits of Star Trek, Next Generation on Netflix. Ooh, actually that's not true. I was making fun of Riker's beard and how he started to put on weight throughout the series because he was eating for two (himself and his beard). I thought that was really funny and THEN I feel asleep.
My coffee is done and my hashbrowns are...browned. Hmm. Food and coffee will finish the slow brain processing I've got going on. What a beautiful world to wake up to!
An Erinku:
pink sock
tossed towards
laundry basket
...not even close
Anyway, last night was my 11 hour nap. I'm liking the idea that my little gears are all wound up, but I was sad to fall asleep to the opening credits of Star Trek, Next Generation on Netflix. Ooh, actually that's not true. I was making fun of Riker's beard and how he started to put on weight throughout the series because he was eating for two (himself and his beard). I thought that was really funny and THEN I feel asleep.
My coffee is done and my hashbrowns are...browned. Hmm. Food and coffee will finish the slow brain processing I've got going on. What a beautiful world to wake up to!
An Erinku:
pink sock
tossed towards
laundry basket
...not even close
Monday, September 5, 2011
Vindictive Prayer
One of the topics I've been running into and thinking about this summer is vindictive prayer. That's where you get in an argument with someone, or meet someone who completely disagrees with your world view, and in order to end the argument, you spit out, "Oh, I'll pray for you." That's vindictive prayer and I'm pretty sure that using prayer as a threat isn't particularly helpful nor is it the original idea behind praying.
Anyway, as I've run into it a few times this summer but luckily haven't been on the receiving end of it (yet), I'm not sure what the proper response is. "Thank you," is probably the best way to go, but I'm not sure.
This morning, I realized that this vindictiveness crosses all different belief systems. I was cranky and I was meditating and I noticed that I was doing some vindictive meditation. Once I realized it, I started laughing because that's even more weak-sounding as a threat. "Oh, disagree with me, will you? I'll meditate for you!" And after a good laugh, I was much less cranky and able to meditate like I usually do.
Next up: Oh, disagree with me, will you? I WILL MAKE COOKIES FOR YOU!!! Vindictive cookie making: where all the cookies taste of bitterness.
An Erinku!
oh, coffee
too hot
too hot
now too cold
Anyway, as I've run into it a few times this summer but luckily haven't been on the receiving end of it (yet), I'm not sure what the proper response is. "Thank you," is probably the best way to go, but I'm not sure.
This morning, I realized that this vindictiveness crosses all different belief systems. I was cranky and I was meditating and I noticed that I was doing some vindictive meditation. Once I realized it, I started laughing because that's even more weak-sounding as a threat. "Oh, disagree with me, will you? I'll meditate for you!" And after a good laugh, I was much less cranky and able to meditate like I usually do.
Next up: Oh, disagree with me, will you? I WILL MAKE COOKIES FOR YOU!!! Vindictive cookie making: where all the cookies taste of bitterness.
An Erinku!
oh, coffee
too hot
too hot
now too cold
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