Random Synapses

As I’m on the extreme butt-end of Generation X (technically, I’m a Twixter), I communicate roughly 97% of the time with sarcasm. I’ve gotten pretty good at it and have lately been working on “Ultimate Sarcasm.” It’s so subtle, that you really need to listen for it in the silences between words. My greatest sense of accomplishment is that people are starting to think I’m being overly sincere about things.

I was actually worried about this when I started to work at the University. As I was bleary-eyed, cranky, and huddled around my coffee, people would pop in and say in a chipper way, “Good Morning! How are you?!” And I would answer with not-so-subtle sarcasm, “Oh, just fabulous!” They would then sincerely answer “That’s great!” I worried about this until my co-worker pointed out that everyone there was pre-coffee and that ears don’t hear sarcasm until caffeinated. But this morning, I figured out that perhaps, just maybe, the “That’s great!” was being said with ULTIMATE SARCASM. And that I missed it completely every time. And as I pondered this while walking, instead of feeling bad about missing a possible sarcastic mentor for myself, I decided to reiterate my long-held feeling that morning people should be illegal.

This also got me to thinking about string porn. There is no connection between the topics, other than both were topics I’ve thought about before. String porn, to be clear, is a catalog that arrives by mail. It is full of violins, cellos, violas, and basses. It is full of music stands, rosin, strings, cleaning rags, and sheet music. It is from Shar Music company and all string players lust after things from this catalog. (Coincidentally, gift certificates to Shar make very nice HOLIDAY GIFTS to the string player(s) in your life.) Whenever my string porn arrives, I wonder if it’s been pawed at by my neighbor violinist. That maybe my catalog arrived a few days earlier but was borrowed and then returned to the mailbox. String porn makes me paranoid.

Just as I came to the realization that string porn makes me paranoid, I felt I was being watched. It turned out I was being stared at by a fuzzy, cute, little squirrel. I was not deceived. I hollered at it, “Minion of Evil, BEGONE!” It turns out I speak biblically to squirrels. It turns out I holler loudly. It turns out I was also being stared at by a groundskeeper. It turns out I walk quickly away from situations like that.

An Erinku:
my skirt missing button
right at crotch level
fabulous!