Golden Glue

A few weeks ago, I was in a conversation where I mentioned that I find “broken” people to be more interesting and that I could relate to them better. In contrast, I said that people who were “whole” (often in their 20’s) were too blindingly radiant to talk to. That same night, I saw a few Facebook posts about Kintsugi. That’s the Japanese art of mending broken things with gold. The idea is that instead of hiding the cracks and brokenness, you celebrate and make it beautiful.

This stuck with me as I've been reflecting on my last few years. Yes, I've been full of whininess, but I’m also finally patched back together in a semblance of real person moving on with her 30’s. One thing that has been weighing on me is that my “dark side” or “shadow self” had broken along with the regular me, and the gluing-back-together process wasn't as clean as a regular puzzle.

It’s good, I guess, that parts of my darkest side are wandering the daylight hours with me, like a mosaic, but it sure is unsettling. I suppose that it’s ultimately healthier to be all of me at once, yet I've become more secluded since I’m not sure how this “new” composite me does in various situations. Shadow Erin doesn't trust easily (and never has), is overly cynical, and is also strong enough to say “no” to things that regular me would feel pressured to say “yes” to. So, the good is mixed with the bad, in the micro and macro sense.

Also, in the past few weeks, I've been told by a few people that I don’t dream big enough and don’t seem to have any forward momentum. I was offended for a few days, until this occurred to me: anyone stuck in a big storm at sea is wishing for solid land with all of their being. To the folks on land, this seems like a small, stupid dream. To the girl at sea, it’s a dream that glows with golden promise. Don’t diss other people’s dreams. You don’t know how out to sea they might be.

An Erinku:

For each

episode of terrible 90’s tv

I have to bounce, dance, or walk the whole time it’s on.

Goodness out of badness!