The problem with dogs is that none of them are Link. Link, by the way, was my dog growing up. He was perfect. And annoying at times, as all dogs are. As we are dog-sitting currently, I think of why I became a cat person:
1. I worked in a kennel for a bit and cleaning out cat poo is much more pleasant than rinsing dog poo off a husky. Sigh.
2. Anti-social cats don’t need to be taken on walks, they are fine living in their little cage home. Anti-social dogs on a leash can and will bite repeatedly.
3. Cats don’t howl at four a.m. because some fucktard leaves a flyer on the front door...leaving flyers at four a.m. should be illegal.
4. Dogs are like having a two-year-old around constantly. One that is overly obsessed with starving to death.
I will admit I’ve met some good dogs. I should clarify: I’ve met some well-trained dogs. They are awesome and a joy to be around. Most dogs don’t live in this category. And so:
Your dog jumping on me is not cute. Especially if the dog weighs over 75 lbs.
Your dog begging is not cute. It’s one thing if I’m eating doggie treats...but I’m not.
Your dog barking, biting, peeing, knocking me over, stepping on someone’s balls, chasing a neighbor’s cat, stealing dinner from my plate is not cute. You need to train your fucking dog.
Dogs evolved (like little parasites) to be around humans. If it’s annoying now, do you really think our cavemen ancestors would have put up with this? Nope. They’d club them and have dog-ka-bob for dinner.
Yeah, I’m no longer a dog person.
An Erinku:
newspaper
cut-out
determining
weekend plans
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