Swarm of Words

Words are my weapon. As long as I can remember, I've swam in a sea of words and feel their different weights and their different colors. I use them like a chef uses all manner of spices (knowing full well I'm a terrible cook and that this analogy won't require me to make anyone dinner). Growing up, I never bought into the reassurement that "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me." I know better. I have made people cry and even had a few folks hate me because of just a few well-placed words.

Everyone has a weapon. Most folks uses actions. Some are back-stabby or are passive-aggressive (a particularly unhelpful type of action). When I first realized the power I had with words, I abused that power. I've got a good-girl aura about me and pairing that with my vocabulary lead me to being a bit of a problem-causer at elementary school. I remember falsely accusing a kid of something stupid to see if I could get him in trouble, just to see if I could. I could.

When you first discover your weapon, it's a bit of a power rush. And you use your powers for evil. Ideally, not for too long. When you hurt someone, you know. And that's when you have a choice. You can join the light side, with occasional jaunts over to the dark side (they do promise cookies, routinely). Or you can continue doing what you're doing because that power rush feels good. However. We all share this little planet and no matter how much you try to avoid folks, you will continue to bump into them. Irony is the force that powers the universe, after all.

So. If you continue on your merry little power-tripping way, you will continue to run into those you hurt. And if you don't take any time to self-reflect or try to learn from past experiences, you will continue to use your weapon in the way that elementary school kids do. As a grown-up, this makes you (at best) very selfish and (at worst) a terrible human being.

I learned my lesson, repeatedly, since elementary school. The things that run through my mind at any given time are pretty funny and fairly often are unnecessarily mean. As I've gotten older, I'll get ready to speak, only to pause and say, "Yeah" instead of what was really happening internally. I know my weapon. I use it on special occasions and often on myself...since I don't make myself cry.

I've been thinking about this for the past few days as I've had a streak of running into folks I typically avoid. I'm up to four this far for the weekend and I plan on spending the rest of the evening in to avoid the other two I know of. I was wondering if there was some common thread between them all that I dislike their company and I came up with weapons. Each of these six knows their weapons well and each of them takes pleasure in hurting others. Each of them are not folks I want to be around, in spite of the fact they are all very grown-up (some are in the elderly category, even).

Everyone has a weapon: the trick is only using it when necessary. If you are using it to feel better about yourself or to feel a sense of power/control, you aren't contributing to the human race in a meaningful way. When you figure out how to play nicely with others (something you should have figured out by third grade or so), feel free to join the rest of us. Until then, keep to yourself. Bah!

An Erinku:
weekend of roughness
right before finals
of course
I have my cranky pants on!